Creative Writing, Travel

My Europe waka – Munich.

Guard post at Dachau Concentration Camp.

So Munich was the third city I was visiting on my 9-day, 5-city Jewish-persecution-in-Europe jaunt. You can read about my visit to Berlin here and the visit to Amsterdam here. 

My chariot from Berlin Hauptbanhof to Munich Hauptbanhof was again the ultra-fast ICE Sprinter service. I clocked that train doing over 200km/hr at periods. We got to Munich in just under four hours. 

What were my first impressions of Munich?

Well, beer is a food in Munich. You could have had five bottles of beer and not had one drink yet!


The Dachau tour guide told us that.

But it is true. In Germany people love their beer and in Munich it felt like I was the only teetotal in any given 1km radius. 

And goodly, it was the first time I was seeing a lederhosen and dirndl in person (a lederhosen is to Munich what a kilt is to Scotland). Didn’t see anyone in Berlin wear those but in Munich on this Sunday, it seemed everyone had them. They looked cool too. Particularly adorable on the kids. I loved the look. Thought of getting myself one. But the thought of wearing them in the heat of Lagos and the curious, pathetic look I would engender made me change my mind.

But I’m gonna get one one day! When I’m old and graying and stooped and no longer care what people think. I’ll probably wear it to church on a Sunday and sit in the front pew. Everyone can eat their hearts out.

Munich also felt a tad less open than Berlin. Less welcoming. I thought I got more curious glances here. 

A curious incidence.

I went to a Chinese food stall at the Munich Hauptbanhof. I stood in front of the menu board unsure of what to order. Then along waltzes the Chinese waiter. He enthusiastically pointed me in the direction of fried chicken and boiled potatoes.

What in the world!

I was livid and barked my disgust at him. He seemed surprised.

I was surprised that he seemed surprised. So, I thought to myself; “Calm down, Jide. Maybe this dude doesn’t even understand the symbolism of black people and fried chicken. I mean, he could barely speak English. And you are not African American anyways. Maybe fried chicken and boiled potatoes was all he’d seen most black people order.”  

No matter. I still thought it was profiling and stereotyping. 

I stilled my anger with a bowl of Noodles and Pork Chops.

Right. Why am I in Munich anyway? 

Well, Munich was “Hauptstadt der Bewegung” – the Capital of the Movement. The birthplace and spiritual home of the Nazi Party. This was where Hitler began making all his speeches and building the followership that would result in the Third Reich. 

Munich was also where the Nazis built the first concentration camp, at Dachau, just outside the city. I was also visiting Dachau (pronounced dakau).

I had booked the Hitler and Third Reich Walking Tour. Our tour guide was a guy named Achim. Supremely knowledgeable about Nazism, world politics and of course, Munich. Sarcastic and funny as hell too. There were about twelve of us on the tour. Achim took us on a walking tour of historical Nazi sites in Munich, learning about Hitler and the Nazi party as we went along. We walked over 7km in about 2hr 30m.


By the way, did you know that Hitler was a sir-fart-a-lot? Yep, he was a fat-bag. His farts were so horrendous they could put out an elephant.

He always also thought that he would die young, like his parents.

He died at 56. 

40 would have been better. 

Maybe 36. 

Heck. Maybe he should never have been born. 

Day two of my visit was for the Dachau Concentration Camp and the BMW Museum. 

Arbeit macht frei.

That’s the dubious charge that greets you at the gate of the Dachau concentration camp and all concentration and extermination camps the Nazis built. It means “work sets you free.” 

I could see the twisted humour in it. Inmates died from overwork and exhaustion. Their spirits left their bodies. You could therefore say work set their souls free.

Dachau was opened in 1933 shortly after Hitler became Reich Chancellor. It was the prototype for all other Nazi concentration camps. It was initially designed to be a “school of correction” where political prisoners and criminals were sent for punishment and harsh re-education. It eventually evolved into a death camp where thousands of Jews and other “undesirables” died through malnutrition, overwork, disease or outright execution. 

The “undesirables” were people Hitler considered unfit for the new Germany he conceived, or people who opposed his racist Nazi ideology. These comprised artists, intellectuals, the physically and mentally handicapped, homosexuals, Jehovah’s Witnesses and of course Jews. Some prisoners of war were also kept in Dachau; Poles, Soviets, French, Yugoslavs, Czechs.

Dig this. When the US Army’s 45th Infantry Division liberated Dachau in April 1945, they released all the prisoners of war. The Soviet POWs refused to go home. They argued that if they went back to Russia, Stalin would probably treat them far worse for having been caught by the Germans. At least 3 of them shot themselves dead rather than go back to Russia.

 Beware any regime that extols atheism. 

There I go again. Back to Dachau.  

At Dachau, detainees were also subject to brutal medical experiments. In the cause of the camp’s existence, over 34,000 people perished there.

Block 19 – where the Nazis conducted medical experiments with detainees.

You ask yourself how an educated and enlightened people such as the Germans were at the time could be complicit in the mass murder of millions of innocent people. 

Here we learn about the meaning of the different badges inmates wore at Dachau.

All the Dachaus must remain standing. The Dachaus, the Belsens, the Buchenwalds, the Auschwitzes – all of them. They must remain standing because they are a monument to a moment in time when some men decided to turn the Earth into a graveyard. Into it they shoveled all of their reason, their logic, their knowledge, then we became the gravediggers.” – Rod Serling. 

As you would expect after such a distressing tour, my spirit was a wee bitter. I needed to sweeten my spirits. So I found myself a nice little confectioner and ordered nice Bavarian strudels. Two plates. Just to be sure the bitterness was fully dispelled.  

And well, what do you know! The Doner Kebab chased me to Munich!

It is something of a consensus that Mustafa Gemuse Kebabs are about the best kebabs to be had in Germany. I’d had my fill of kebabs in Berlin and was not going to have any more in Munich. But what is a man to do when Mustafa willfully erects a kebab shop in your path? I’m not one to spurn a man’s hustle.

Long queue at Mustafa Gemuse Kebab on corner of Schlosstrasse and Stachus.

Ah yes, the BMW Museum. 

Sim Simma, who got the keys to my beemer?

Nothing better to take your mind off death and suffering than a beemer. 

By the way, do you know the Quandt family own about 49% stake in BMW? They are the richest family in Germany.

Not particularly interesting news. Until you realise that Gunther Quandt, their progenitor, built his  vast empire aiding the Nazi war effort and using forced labour. At some point, the Quandt businesses used over 50,000 forced labourers from concentration camps. 

If you don’t have to pay salaries and benefits to 50,000 employees, that saves a tidy penny, doesn’t it? Pennies that grow over time and that could, for instance, be useful in acquiring a certain troubled automobile company – BMW. Courtesy of the Nazi dispossessing Jews of their businesses, Gunther was also able to acquire many Jewish businesses for next to nothing.

Hey, not slating the Quandts here. Many of the companies we have grown to love today also profited from the Third Reich; Hugo Boss (he made those smart black uniforms the dreaded SS wore), Siemens, IBM (developed the numbering mechanics by which all Jews were identified and recorded in the camps), Coca-Cola (“Fanta” was specifically developed in Germany for Germans to bypass the trade embargo the Third Reich placed on Coke and American imports), Bayer (made the Zyklon B gas used to gas Jews) and many more. 

It’s all water under the bridge now. You can wear those Boss shoes and continue to use Aspirin. Many of those companies have officially acknowledged and apologised for their part in the Holocaust. They’ve contributed millions of dollars to funds set up for reparation and compensation.

Right across the road from the BMW Museum is BMW Welt. You can test drive a BMW and order one there. It will be delivered to you anywhere in Europe. 

What was that sales pitch from BMW again, “it’s not about what you make. It’s about what you make people feel.”

Look, all I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. 


Next stop, Budapest! 

Please click here for my Budapest account.


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