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These ‘shithole’ outrage. Please, give me a break!

Aside from his use of an obscene term, I really do not understand the rage on the continent when President Trump referred to our beloved patch as ‘shithole countries.’

Emmanuel Macron yesterday said he shares the outrage of Africans on the disparagement by President Trump.

Oh please!

If by ‘shithole countries’ the man meant countries groaning under the weight of corruption, nepotism, abuse of power and disregard for rule of law, the social contract and the human condition, then he clearly wasn’t talking about the African continent. 

Things are delightful around here. I couldn’t have asked for a better country.

The only problem we have on this continent is that everybody makes our business their business.

We are fine, Rest-Of-The-World. Really, we are fine. We may be losing our minds and humanity, but we’ll be OK. Worry about your own problems. About Kim Jong un and Vladimir Putin. Worry about China.

The problem Africans have with the ‘shithole’ appellation is with who said it. We aren’t mad because we are not ’shithole countries.’ We are mad because some white guy said it. Because Donald Trump said it. 

It’s like this: a black dude can call a fellow black dude ‘my nigger’ but a white dude can’t. He’ll get his butt kicked. Even when ‘my nigger’ denotes ‘my homeboy, ‘my brother from another mother’ or ‘my friend with whom I share similar values.’ The only white dudes permitted to call black dudes ‘my nigger’ are Eminem and Mark Wahlberg.    

I doubt if we would have kicked up a fuss if Wole Soyinka or Sanusi Lamido had referred to Nigeria as a ‘shithole country.’ We would have thought the language odd and beneath the luminaries, but we wouldn’t bay for blood.

That makes us down-right racists. And hypocritical. We accept lacerations from the whip of a fellow brother but seek global sympathy when a foreigner lashes out at us.

I also don’t get why people get mad at anything President Trump says. I mean, it’s Donald Trump. It’s not like its anyone important. Other than for his base, he’s got no real influence in the world. A man wasn’t expecting to be POTUS and you made him one. Didn’t you think there’d be side effects? Some bugs?  

But hey, my bad. I’m committing that dreaded sin again: speaking against someone only Americans are entitled to speak against.

Anyway, just so you all know. I love Nigeria and will never trade my Nigerian citizenship for an American citizenship. No sirs, I won’t. Ever tried to dodge the IRS? If Satan lived in America, trust me, the US government will get its dues from him.

Thank you, I’ll be staying right here.  

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