Faith, Religion

Does juju really exist?

A traditional juju man or spiritualist.

Juju Man _ Getty Images

A few weeks ago I was strolling along Twitter boulevard when I came across an intriguing dare. Some dude was on a quest to prove that ‘juju’ or ’jaz’ did not exist. As busy-body Lagosians were wont to do, I stopped by to see what was going on.

This derring-do fella did not believe in the supernatural. He worships at the feet of empiricism, logic and the immutable laws of physics. He thus challenged any purveyor of juju to a public demonstration of juju power. He named a day, venue, time and backed his challenge with a N2.5m reward.

Oh, the comment section was hilarious! Nigerian Twitterati pointed this fella in the direction of certain towns and villages where he should proclaim his challenge. Town and villages where Merlin and Maleficient will be apprentices. Our man only needed to sign a waiver on his right to life should the existence of juju be, er, fatally affirmed.

It was all hilarious. But as intriguing as I found the challenge, I paid no serious mind to it. Twitter is full of folly and attention seekers. I forgot about the challenge.

But alas, this dude was not going away! A few days ago, I was once again ambling on Twitter when I saw that the challenge was still on. This dude is serious.

It turned out that no juju persons came forward to demonstrate ‘jaz’ and collect the N2.5m. So, our resolute chap sets a new venue and date. He invited the press. And the N2.5m reward was still on offer.

On a personal note, I found it disappointing that no ‘jaz’ men came forward to collect the money. No takers? Where was Kanayo O Kanayo when you needed him? Where were all my Bini flight lieutenants? Ikorodu oro people?  It’s tough in the land and N2.5m will keep the rain off a shoulder. It is decent money. And easy too. It’s not like the juju men have to turn the guy into a rhino or goat. It could be as simple as making him go mad for 10 minutes and eat faeces. It would be the easiest N2.5m anyone ever earned. Yet no one showed up. That is mighty disappointing.  It’s a bad showing for the spirit realm.

My closest encounter with juju was in the early 2000s when we were shooting the “Mama Na Boy” TV commercial for MTN. On location that day, the skies became dark and the clouds ominously heavy. It was going to rain. Disaster.

Some local guy in the vicinity approached us and said he could facilitate the hiring of a  rainmaker to keep the impending rain in abeyance. Jocularly, the agency broached the matter with the GM Marketing who was on location with us. The man was chagrined and regarded the emissary with pious rage. He was a saintly and contemporary chap. To this day, I couldn’t tell if the agency was joking or meant the recourse to the supernatural. But I was gutted at the missed opportunity to see a juju man in action. I could have befriended him and be richly sipping daiquiris all my life.

But maybe this dude is right. Maybe ‘jaz’ does not exist.

Or perhaps our man’s challenge is illogical.

But first, where do I lean? Do I believe in juju? Oh, I believe in the existence of the supernatural alright. I believe in the existence of the Almighty God, His son Jesus Christ and that douchebag Lucifer. It’s OK if you don’t believe in Lucifer. He believes in you.

Though our empiricist bloke didn’t affirm this, he exuded the vibes of an atheist or evolutionary biologist. Atheists deny there is a God or gods. Evolutionary biologists believe life began from non-life matter (abiogenesis) and evolved over millions of years to life form.

But how does one go about proving the metaphysical? For instance, proving the existence of God? How do you prove the existence of God without referencing the Bible?

Well, you can do that through logic. Through the principle of cause and effect and the design we see in nature. I’ll show you.

Proving God through the ‘Big Bang’

Cause and effect underpin science, history, law enforcement and many aspects of human experience. If A happens, it’s logical to look for or ask why it happened. The cause. The man is in jail because he committed murder. The boy drowned in the river because his body was denser than the water. Cause and effect is an undeniable law of nature.

So, to God.

According to the Big Bang Theory, in the beginning, there was nothing and then, bang, the universe happened. Call this starting point the “singularity” or whatever. The point is, bang, out of nothing came something.

At a superficial level, I don’t necessarily disagree with the Big Bang theory. After all, my Bible also told me “in the beginning…”

Now, we know the universe happened because we are here. I exist. You exist. The stars, the oceans, trees, animals; they all exist.

But we also know that for something to exist, it must have a cause. Something that created it. I am here because my dad knocked up my mom. And my dad existed because my grandfather knocked up my grandmother. The table I’m typing on exists because a carpenter made it. And the carpenter exists because, well, his papi knocked up his mami. Everything that exists has a cause, a starting point.

Be it “the singularity” or the “multiverse”,  whatever caused the universe to exist must be outside of the universe. Things in nature don’t create themselves. Water can’t create itself. Hydrogen and oxygen have to come together for it to exist. The engineers who created the TV are not inside the TV. If they are inside the TV, well, they couldn’t have created the TV, can they? It’s simple logic really.

And, since the universe is composed of time, matter, space and physical energy, whatever caused the universe to exist must necessarily be outside of time, matter, space and physical energy.

And here is the kicker. These attributes of the cause of the universe – being timeless, existing outside of space and matter and so on – just so happen to be the same attributes as the God of the Bible. Elohim. The I AM. We creationists thus argue that the cause of the universe is God.

Sense will not kill us, right?

But you can well argue “Hold up, bucko. I get it that everything that exists must have a cause, a creator outside itself. The universe exists and must have a cause. You say that this cause is God, Hello him. But since everything that exists must have a cause, and God exists, what caused or created God?”

My daughter has asked me this question. Many uninformed atheists ask this question. But it’s an easy one to answer.

Who created God? As we have seen, it cannot be another entity because you can then validly ask who or what created said entity. You can ask me what created A and I say B. You then ask me what created B that created the A and I say C. And on it goes. No matter the cause I give, you are within the right to ask who caused this cause. We’ll be stuck in a cycle of endless causes.

If we are stuck in a cycle of endless causes, then nothing can exist. Because everything that exists, exists at a point in time. And if there is no point in time, then there is no universe, no you and no me. But we do know that the universe exists.

It therefore stands to reason that this cycle of causes must stop somewhere. A Cause that causes all other causes but is itself uncaused. God.

Asking who created God is like asking “who is the bachelor married to?” By definition, a bachelor can’t be married. Similarly, by definition, an entity that creates all other entities can’t itself be created. Otherwise, we are back to an infinite cycle of causes or creators. And that is a logical absurdity. There must be a starting point for everything. God, the Uncaused Cause, is that starting point.

Proving God through Design

Evolution and abiogenesis are interwoven. Abiogenesis is the belief – not fact – that all life evolved from non-life organic compounds. That over millions of years, molecules randomly came together to create the complexity and design we see in existence. No God was necessary.

There are some big problems with the theory of evolution you should know about.

One, as a theory of origins, – how things started – it is curious that it never tells us where the non-life organic compounds that created life came from. Some have suggested “dark matter” and “quarks” as the primal cause. But as we have seen, everything that exists must have a cause. Where did the dark matter and quarks come from.

I suppose I don’t need to remind all ya that “dark matter” has never been detected or proven by science. I repeat, never! It is an unscientific and desperate attempt to do away with a sentient creator.

Second, it is a fact of natural law that like begets like. Animate create animate. Only consciousness can create consciousness. Thus, it is impossible for non-life matter to create living matter. Science has never seen this happen in nature. Not in one instance. And since humans have intelligence, emotions and desires, what created humans must also have similar attributes; intelligence and emotions. Like after like. God.

You with me, folks?

Third, we see so much design and purpose in nature that we know from logic and experience that where there is a design, there must be a designer. Watch parts didn’t come together to form a watch. Someone assembled them into a watch. Your jumpsuit didn’t happen to fit you nicely. Someone made it to. Where there is a design or purpose, there must be a designer or a purposer. Our everyday observations, the basis of science, confirm this.

We see so much “fine-tuning” in nature that there must be a fine-tuner. For instance, in orbiting the sun, the earth departs from a straight line by only one-ninth of an inch every 18 miles. If the orbit changed by one-tenth of an inch every 18 miles, the earth would be vastly larger, and we would all freeze to death. If it changed by one-eighth of an inch, we would be incinerated.

Ain’t that something? We just happen to be the right distance from a sun burning at 20 million degrees by accident? I don’t think so! It’s an amazing and deliberate fine-tuning. If the earth moved 10% closer, from ashes we came, to ashes we return. If it moved 10% away, we’ll all be frozen like Elsa.

Or put another way. When you eat a delicious pizza, the pig didn’t kill itself to make the sausage or the milk proteins from the cow coagulate itself to form cheese. Someone brought all these together to create the pizza.

Or take the human DNA. It is a marvellous piece of coding without Python, Java or C++. Over 3 billion pairs. If you stack all the DNA molecules in your body end to end, they would get to the Sun and back over 600 times. That is 100 trillion times six feet divided by 92 million miles. You think this brilliance and intricacy arose by accident? Fat chance. Man has never been able to create a plane that flies as efficiently as a bird or a submarine that moves as efficiently as a fish. That’s because a supremely intelligent designer made all these things. God.

So you can once again ask “OK, for the sake of argument, let me agree that there is a God that is behind all creation. But how does this prove this ‘God’ to be the God of the Bible?”

It’s easy, dude and dudettes. Think about this. In the Bible, different prophets living in separate communities over a 1,000-year period made predictions about Jesus 500 years before He was born. Over 1,000 prophecies in fact. And each of those prophecies was fulfilled! For comparison, the chances of one man (Jesus) fulfilling just 8 of those prophecies is one in 10 to the 17th power. That is 100000000000000000. That is preposterous accuracy! Inhuman even.

I don’t know about you, but chances are I’d rather believe the account of a book whose words have proven true time and again.

Yea, I’m a sucker like that.

But what do all these have to do with the existence of juju?

Well, if you’ve followed the arguments and agree that the God of the Bible created the universe and that the Bible is accurate in its account, then you must also agree that Lucifer and demons exist since the Bible also said they do. And those lot are the source of juju power.

At any rate, it was always unlikely for any juju person to accept our bloke’s challenge. Not in public glare. You want his neighbours to know he can kill them? Or his broke, down-on-their-luck friends to know he can ‘control’ people yet they are still poor? No, hombre. Some things are best kept secret.

Anyways, all juju men know that power pass power. And there’s a power that surpasses them all. That’s who you need to hook up with. Jesus. Can I get a hallelujah there?!

 

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Culture, Faith, Lifestyle

Gen Y, Gen Z and general degeneracy.

“What is called Western Civilization is in an advanced state of decomposition, and another Dark Ages will soon be upon us, if, indeed, it has not already begun. With the Media, especially television, governing all our lives, as they indubitably do, it is easily imaginable that this might happen without our noticing…by accustoming us to the gradual deterioration of our values.” – Malcolm Muggeridge

 

Watch African American stand-up comedy for only a few minutes and you’ll realise it’s not what you watch with kids around. There is no two-minute period without the copious use of expletives. Communication is impossible in that genre without profanity.

Now, I don’t have a brittle spirit. Nor am I pharisaical. I just hate having to explain what ‘coochie’ is to a 10-year-old. I assure you it is no laughing matter. 

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Branding, Faith, Marketing

The iSheep and the heroined grass.

Here I am again thinking about an iPhone. The iPhone 12. I thought I was off that Apple grass. My last iPhone was the 6S. I used it till mid-2018 when I switched to the Samsung S9. Not too shabby, the S9. Good form and function. It’s my only phone at the moment.

But I didn’t switch to the S9 because I love Samsung phones. I switched because I was trying to prove to myself that I can stop being an iSheep.

Sometime in early 2017, I told myself I was capable of not lapping up every grass from the Apple stable. Why? Because an apple screwed up the universe, that’s why. We would still be in Eden kissing king cobras and swimming backstrokes with crocs if not for an apple. But here I am again thinking of inviting Apple to have another rummage in my pockets.

I have never not been an iFaithful. I’ve owned every iPhone from the first one to the 6S. I’ve owned four MacBooks, bought three iPads, and have an Apple Watch and Apple Pencil 2. Back in 2007, I even subscribed to the now-perished MobileMe, the precursor to the iCloud. I loved Apple. Loved Steve Jobs and Jony Ive. I was in London when news of Steve’s death broke. I joined hundreds of Apple fans to leave bitten apples in front of the Apple store on Regent Street.

But it’s a love-hate relationship. I love the company but hate that it had an irresistible pull on me.

When Apple launched the iPad in 2010, I swore to my wife and friends that it was a pointless product. “I’ve got an iPhone and a Macbook”, said I. “What do I need the iPad for?”

I have bought three iPads since those days of ignorance.

Similarly, when Apple introduced the Apple Watch, I knew it was not a device for me. A fitness watch? No, thank you. I run a hundred meters in ten minutes without breaking a sweat. Why would I need a $400-watch to tell me I have an irregular heartbeat? My bank balance does that just fine.

That you can now spot an Apple Watch Series 4 on my wrist is a befuddling mystery. I woke up one morning and found the watch on my wrist. A most paranormal activity. We are in the end times, people.

But I am determined to have some shame. The degree of the common sense of a bloke is directly proportional to the age of the bloke. The older I become, the more I realize that it is infantile to change your phone or gadgets every other year. Mr. Dell does not change his personal laptop every year, does he? If he did, he won’t be, er, Mr. Dell, would he?

So, how did I start thinking about the iPhone again?

It all began the way most great bankruptcy stories begin: with a woman.

It was the missus’ birthday. She would love a new phone. One of her two phones was evidently made in hell. She claims to see gremlins come out of it. So, I decided to get her the iPhone 11 Pro. Go big or go home.

She liked the gift. She asked me to do the honours and set it up for her.

It was a big mistake.

The moment I held the phone, I knew, Houston, we have a problem.

The sleekness. The feel in the hand. The ease of use and intuitive UI.

The memories came flooding back. Of what I had loved. Of what I am now missing.

“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.”

The lust of the eye.

Folks, let me remind you of the advice from my big bro Paulo: flee from all appearances of evil!

Not strut. Not jog.

Flee.

Scram. Scat. Skedaddle.

Don’t stop to chit chat with a snake. I mean, it’s a snake, not your boyfriend.

Well yea, I know I am being actorly. A phone is hardly the delectable Mrs. Bathsheba or foxy Mrs. Potiphar. But Apple and I have a history. It’s complicated. One side gives. The other side takes.

It’s not working, Tim. Can’t we just be friends?

When I held the missus’s 11 Pro, I suddenly realized I have had the S9 for two looong years. Could have been eons. And is that a crack I see on the screen? Only a small crack you say? Nonsense. There’s no such thing as an innocent baby viper. It’ll grow big and spread venom.

That’s it. The universe has spoken. I’m changing my phone!

And what better phone than the upcoming iPhone 12 Pro. It’s absolute bee’s knees. Radical new design. Stainless steel. Bezel-less. 5G antenna. Midnight blue. Awesome iPhoneography.

Shut up and take my money, Tim!

Sorry, what was that? Learn wisdom from the ant? What ant? Ant Man? That dude is a loser. Sneaked into The Avengers via a backdoor.

The lesson for you, my good folks, is that just because you have the power to do something doesn’t mean you should do it. For with great power comes great electricity bill.

You say, “ I am allowed to do anything” – but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. – 1 Corinthians 6:12 (NLT)

I have offed my mic now.

 

 

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Faith, Religion, The Future, Uncategorized

Psst…aliens are here. Attracted by 5G

nypost

“Psst…have you heard? 5G tech caused Covid-19! It’s a ploy by the New World Order to get us chipped. Remember 666? The mark of the beast? That’s the end game!”

 “Psst…the 2004 tsunami was caused by a secret underwater nuclear test by India.  US and Israel scientists were involved.  

“Psst…Diana was killed by the MI6 on instruction of Her Majesty so Diana won’t have an Arab child for Dodi Fayed. Imagine Williams and Harry having an Arab sibling!

“Psst…Malaysia flight MH370 was shot down over the Indian Ocean to prevent top secret information exchanging hands. There was a spy onboard carrying sensitive information.”

How I enjoy a good conspiracy theory!

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Faith, Religion

When your time comes…

 

Oh, for goodness sake, here comes this retard talking about death in January! We’ve just danced, sang and wined into a new year and this Dufus has to remind everyone we’ll check into the wooden Waldorf one day. Idiot! I shall not die but live to testify of the goodness of the Lord!

Well, I can’t help myself, can I? It must be the harmattan. Besides, what type of friend will I be if I don’t remind you that you will expire one day? I hope that day is a thousand years away, when you are full of years, wizened and lost all appetite to curse me.

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